


Index of Memories and Fears

by Bazylia_de_Grean



Series: Mysteries Unveiled and Hidden [5]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21827767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bazylia_de_Grean/pseuds/Bazylia_de_Grean
Summary: Sometimes, it seems everything had been just a nightmare, and he hardly believes his own mind. But other times, he remembers everything all too well. It is better not to ask some questions.
Relationships: Eothas & Original Character(s), Original Character & Original Character, Wael & Original Character(s)
Series: Mysteries Unveiled and Hidden [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566058
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5
Collections: TTRPG Godsquad





	Index of Memories and Fears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LunaRowena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaRowena/gifts), [serenbach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenbach/gifts).



> [prompt by Luna: Mathis' change of heart from Wael to Eothas]  
> [the elven priestess is _totally_ not inspired by Ona's ideas that Mathis has a thing for Nona's mother]

Sometimes, it seems everything had been just a nightmare, and he hardly believes his own mind. But other times, he remembers everything all too well. It is better not to ask some questions. They can bring back unwanted memories. Or they can yield answers.

Mathis recalls his many prayers to Wael, repeatedly asking – begging – for an answer. Remembers how tired he was with uncertainty. And Wael provided.

At first, it seemed like just another adventure, maybe just a little grander than before. A search for relics, the company of an elven priestess who suited all his dreams and wishes so perfectly – their never-ending discussions about everything and nothing in particular. The excitement of seeing new lands, the thrill when they arrived at their destination and he first set foot on the holy island.

Sometimes, when he closes his eyes, he can still see the library, watching him... and all the darkness beneath. Can hear his own voice, shaking, whispering in disbelief – _this cannot be Wael’s will_ – over and over and over. The spark of interest in his companion’s eyes – not freezing into steel, not disappearing, simply turning into _amusement_. _What did you expect in an archive but sources of all kinds?_ , she asked with a smile.

Woedica be praised, he doesn’t remember what happened next. Just confusion and incredulity and despair. And then, understanding, like a cold dagger scratching along his spine, and the certainty that he would die there.

Next thing he remembers is crawling out of the dungeons, and the first rays of a rising sun touching his face. Everything was blurry – maybe because he was weeping. But he remembers the warmth, and how the sky was so bright he had to close and then shield his eyes at first.

He had been praying to Wael, but in the end it was Eothas who gave him the answer. Mathis followed, and never turned back.

Now, he wonders whether he should tell Ona. And if she would believe him, when her faith is so cheerful and bubbly, and when she is so close to her god. He wonders what would happen if he tried to shatter that faith – and realizes he cannot risk it. Not now, not until this task Eothas gave him if finished, until Jarlath’s and Zyanya’s son is free. After that, he might try.

But a quiet voice in his mind tells Mathis he never will. It is better if some questions remain unanswered.

Besides, he has been many things, but never a very brave man, and that hasn’t changed. And now he doesn’t have enough courage to find out how disturbed Ona would be if she learnt what he has. But he is ever more afraid that maybe she _wouldn’t_.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Reflections and Promises](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830776) by [serenbach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenbach/pseuds/serenbach)




End file.
